She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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