During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I wear drunk well.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
