Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
