so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
