Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
