Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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