i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
