thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
