Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
