He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
