did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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