How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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