I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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