Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
my poor anus
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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