Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
