"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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