i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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