Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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