I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
