I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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