What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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