george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
