i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
it's like heaven, but drunker
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Randomize
