Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
