you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
