Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
