sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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