All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
