whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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