So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
