I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
