watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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