I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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