there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You are a genius and a whore.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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