my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
