i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
