i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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