does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
