I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
