ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
