so that wasnt chicken after all
I just gift wrapped bread.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
