Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
