Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
