How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
