omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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