I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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