I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
