I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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