the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
