I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
