Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
